Into It

There it is, I can't just walk away. Who is this? I'm afraid to say. I would never take love from you. I don't know. I wish I did. But I'm lost in this world and all this shit. There's no redeeming a man like me. And I'm still falling. I'm still falling into it.  Look at me. I believe in love. Look at me. I can't get enough. Look at me, 'cause the words just don't add up. Think you see, but you can't see at all. Think your ego's another ten feet tall. I'm the kind of man you never wanted to know. And I'm still falling. I'm still falling into it. (I don't know where to go. I don't know where I've been. I don't know who I am. I can't take this again.) Where do I go from here? Where do I go from here? And I'm still falling. I'm still falling into it.

This song came out of a giant struggle against myself, as did many of the tracks on this album. More specifically, it is meant to reflect what I had become, and my fear of somehow infecting others with my negativity.

The Moment

My lips on yours. I will not let go. Your hair falls in my eyes. God, I love you so. Your eyes get lost in mine. My eyes get lost in you. My hand along your face. The moment is so true. Caught in the moonlight, forever in love. Warm breath on my neck. Your taste upon my lips. Lust born out of love. Sexual synthesis. Water as it flows. Mist that fills the air. Breaths we're forced to take. A moment we both share. The moment, the moment... Caught in the moonlight, forever in love. Your tears as they fall down, I'll catch them with my heart. Your hands along my back. Defenses fall apart. My mind, it can't believe you finally let me in. Your love so out of reach, it's really here again. The moment, the moment... Caught in the moonlight, forever in love.

This remains one of my favorite Cosmicity tracks. I love what it does both musically and lyrically. Over time, I’ve found that the success of a song can often be measured on how well it captures a specific time in my life, and by that measure, this is one of my most successful tracks.

Defiance

Defy the norm. It's mental porn. And I promote - my thoughts provoke - defiance. The thrusting beat. The unknown heat. You're left behind, beyond my mind. Defiance. Love missed me and failed to mystify me. And I see reality is lying. Sheer black. Hair back. Fire's lips. Desire sips defiance. Smearing blur. I long for her. Conscience fights, body wins. Defiance. Love missed me and failed to mystify me. And I see reality is lying. Values crash. Senses clash. Body's brush. Chemical rush. Defiance. Pure fear. World unclear. Last drink before I sink. Defiance. Love missed me and failed to mystify me. And I see reality is lying.

The skeleton for this song goes back many years to my early demo tapes. It took a while before I even had the basic recording chops to attempt a dance song. Not that bad for an early attempt, right? Lyrically, I couldn't seem to shake this idea; that there is some darker side of myself that I need to find.

Anymore

My soul doesn't burn. My heart doesn't race. My face doesn't tell. I hide it well. My lips won't lie. They say good-bye. You walk away ‘cause you can't stay anymore. I'll take your hand and lead you out. I'll get you lost and you can't shout anymore. I'm not so sure where I'm going to now. I'm not so sure why I hate you now. I'm not so sure where I'm going to now. I'm not so sure why I hate you. The time has come to tie you up, my dear. The time has come to shut you up, my dear. The time has come to change it all. It's clear. So shut the hell up... so shut the hell up... now. I'm not so sure where I'm going to now. I'm not so sure why I hate you now. I'm not so sure where I'm going to now. I'm not so sure why I hate you now. I'm not so sure anymore.

Take the mountain of personal reconstruction I was doing over the winter of 1995 and add it to the painful comments made by a record executive from Qwest Records, and you'll get this song. Yes, the samples are of the actual record executive. They were taken from my answering machine - portions of a real message he left regarding my very first Cosmicity album, "The Vision."

W.T.M.1.8.4. (lyrics by Dana Chelian)

There are no stars in the sky tonight. I know that they're somewhere. But now, everything is shrouded by clouds. The answers lie somewhere beyond the confusion. But it may take a while, before we can get there on this starry night. People ask why it is I sit around and wait. They say I've got to make things happen. But I've been forcing things all my life. I want something to come natural. So I will continue to hope. And I'll continue to dream of the day when I can smile instead of having to scream. But for now I'll be content with the way things are going. But in the back of my mind I'll always be hoping. I know that someday, though it may not be soon, my dreams will come true, and I will dance with the moon. All will be clear: No more clouds, no more questions. My dreams will come true, and I will dance with the moon. But for now I'll be content with the way things are going. But in the back of my mind I'll always be hoping. I know that someday, though it may not be soon, my dreams will come true, and I will dance with the moon.

This is a remix of "With The Moon", originally released on the 1994 Cosmicity album “The Vision”, but by the time I was done with this track, I wasn’t so sure it was the same song. During the remix process this song became a RIDICULOUSLY fast track with a story to relate to and, yeah, a 184 BPM tempo that just won't quit!

Awake (featuring Kristi McGarity)

I saw him look deep in your eyes. I saw you laugh as he'd smile. I watched as you kissed him goodbye. I think I'll run to you and tell you just how I feel. I think I'll run to you and tell you just what I feel. I feel so awake. I see that you're falling love, and he promises to never let go. I made that promise before. I want to run to you and tell you just how I feel. I need to run to you and tell you just what I feel. I feel so awake. I tried to call your house again last night. A different voice answered the phone. I heard the voice mumble a sleepy "hello." Why can't I find you alone? I want what I want and it's you. I know what I'm going to do. I'm gonna run to you and tell you just how I feel. I'm gonna run to you and tell you just what I feel. I feel so awake.

This song was completed the very same day it was recorded. I worked on it right to the very last second... and hearing it now I know that all that work was worth it. This song IS the summer of 1995 to me. “Awake” has also stood the test of time better than perhaps any other Cosmicity song. It remains one of the 5 most popular Cosmicity songs to this day. The female vocals you hear on this track are performed by Kristi McGarity, my lifelong friend and mentor, also known as Opposite Day... at least back in the days when she was still making pop music!

Keep Me In Mind - Opposite Day Mix (lyrics by David Humphrey)

I have been to places that I dare not go alone. I need a hand to guide me when I'm on my own. Memory like a dark cave. A place I can not hide. It really is frightening the way I feel inside. Keep me in mind. You know what I'm thinking. Can't be without you. You know how I feel. Nowhere to hide. You know what I'm thinking. I feel you inside. You know how I feel. I can not hide the way I feel about you. There are so secrets when it's between me and you. Take me where you're going. We just can't be apart. The feelings I have are stronger than just my bleeding heart. Keep me in mind. You know what I'm thinking. Can't be without you. You know how I feel. Nowhere to hide. You know what I'm thinking. I feel you inside. You know how I feel.

Thanks to Opposite Day (aka: my dear friend Kristi McGarity), this song is still the catchy, danceable track it was when it was first released on “The VIsion” in 1994, only here it's arguably even more catchy! We had a lot of fun reworking this one in the studio together. Wonderful memories.

From You

I can't believe I wandered this far. I can't believe it's true. I can't believe I wandered this far. All this way with you. And I think to myself, "What can I say?" And I wonder out loud, "What's going to change?" And I whisper in your ear, "I'll always stay." But what I'm really thinking: "Run away." And I don't know what to do about loving you. I can't believe that you are still here. Should have left me long ago. I can't believe that you're not out there. What is it that you know? And I think to myself, "What can I say?" And I wonder out loud, "What's going to change?" And I whisper in your ear, "I'll always stay." But what I'm really thinking: "Run away." And I don't know what to do, about loving you. I can't believe I wandered this far. All this way from you. And I whisper in your ear, "I'll always stay." But what I'm really thinking: "Run away." And I don't know what to do, about loving you.

The purity that surrounds this song on all sides is what makes it special to me. The lyrics are very real (from a real situation), and the music came literally out of a dream. Looking back, I think it also captures some emotional immaturity on my part. Sorry about that, Sara Shippey Tao. You didn’t deserve it. Good thing I didn’t meet my wife in 1995, or I think I’d be a lonely bachelor right now!

If Murder Was Easy

Oh mutilation is starting to sound pretty good to me. It's too bad killing isn't pure simplicity. If murder was easy, I'd do it myself. Your sheer existence is bad for my health. Sometimes I think you'd be better off dead. At least, that's what I think in my head. I wouldn't mind seeing you while you're face down in the mud, or laughing as you're drowning in a pool of your own blood. If murder was easy, I'd do it myself. Your sheer existence is bad for my health. If murder was easy, you'd already be in hell. And as a reminder, I'd tack your bloody heart to the wall. If murder was simple, I'd make sure it was quick. I simply grab a giant knife, and cut of your... head. I'm so full of mercy, it's almost sad. Not built for murder, and you know, it's just too bad. If murder was easy, I'd do it myself. Your sheer existence is bad for my health.

So all of this extra-cheesy music was pouring out of me, and I just didn't have a clue how I was gonna make use of it. The answer? Extremely dark lyrics! Hey, I may not be Morrissey or anything, but the next time you're so pissed off you could kill someone, pop this song on. You’ll feel better.