Today Is Better Than It Seems

I don't look back. It makes today okay. I forget the near-perfect past. I knew it wouldn't last. I can black out the memory of something more impressive. I'm just that much happier being a little more submissive. Today everything is ideal: everything I am, everything I feel. I can't remember better dreams. Today is better than it seems. I can't recall that dream-like December... snowball fights under multi-colored lights. I wouldn't even recognize that look in your crystal eyes. My life is now. I wouldn't remember how. Today everything is ideal: everything I am, everything I feel. I can't remember better dreams. Today is better than it seems. I don't really worry that you'll be back to remind me. You wouldn't have a clue how to even find me. Things are different now. I finally figured out... just celebrate today. Things are better that way. Today everything is ideal: everything I am, everything I feel. I can't remember better dreams. Today is better than it seems.

Today Is Better Than It Seems is the first song on the album not only because it has a prominent and memorable chorus, but also because it means so much to me lyrically. It is absolutely my favorite song on this album, even if the production isn't up to my own standards. (Looking back, I feel that way about most of this album, but I still like the songs.) This track is about missing my college sweetheart, plain and simple. For about a decade these notes said otherwise, so as not to hurt the feelings of anyone else in my life when this was written. But now, the truth is here. I imagine that if my college sweetheart ever listened to these lyrics, she knew it was about her. I'm carefully describing our romantic snowball fight one special December, and I reveal other details that only she could have picked up on. Anyway, the point of the track was that I would have loved to be able to get it all back, despite what I was telling myself. It took me many years to get over her. 

Technology

I jack in to her core. With each stroke she wants more. She takes commands like a pet. It's instant gratification, but I'm not finished yet. Technology. She's on to me. Technology. She's on to me. I like to watch her naked display. She's electric. She loves to play. When she resists, I always win. I push her buttons and she gives in. Technology. She's on to me. Technology. She's on to me. Dizzying digital, micro-processed visual. Incredibly sensual, all from melted sand. Hyper-contextual, completely consensual, and certainly best of all she loves what I demand. Technology. She's on to me. Technology. She's on to me.

Ah, dear sweet Technology. How I love her so. Some of you who've followed my lyrics over the years might start to get the idea that I'm carrying on some kind of twisted affair with my computer or something. Well, it's true. I am. What can I say? We make the perfect couple.

The Introvert

I won't dare say a word to anyone. I won't even hint just a little. I'll completely contain my excitement. I keep my demeanor right in the middle. I'll hide my every last feeling. I won't let this go. No one can know. I close my eyes to think of you softly. I love you from deepest within. My heart knows that this is forever, but nobody else will understand. I won't smile as I read your message. I won't shiver as I think of your touch. I won't stare off into space with that look on my face. I'll keep all this love to myself. I'll hide my every last feeling. I won't this go. No one can know. I close my eyes to think of you softly. I love you from deepest within. My heart knows that this is forever, but nobody else will understand. Oh please don't tell me the world knows love. I've seen the uncompromised perspective. This happiness is staying just between us. It's a secret just for us. I'll never give you up. No one else will ever see. You're everything to me. I'll hide my every last feeling. I won't this go. No one can know. I close my eyes to think of you softly. I love you from deepest within. My heart knows that this is forever, but nobody else will understand.

"The Introvert" is about being in love with someone your friends/family/co-workers wouldn't approve of. Keeping it all to yourself is sometimes the only way to avoid having something special spoiled. Sure, we make our own decisions in life, but to deny that the jaded perspectives of those who surround us will eventually rub off would be foolish. It's unavoidable. However, you won't get an earful of those opinions if no one knows what you're up to. And, let's face it. Secrecy is really exciting.

Beyond Description

Beyond description without encryption. My only depiction reads like fiction, or bad television, but my best revision describes this as pure fission. Beyond language, I barely manage to understand this. Beyond comprehension or even mention, this is obsession: a complete extension of my attention to perfect retention of elevated sexual heaven. Beyond language, I barely manage to understand this. Beyond possibility. Barely real to me. I'm so guilty of shedding misery and taking everything; running endlessly from what was surely meant to be. Beyond language, I barely manage to understand this.

Beyond Description is about passion, lust, energy... refusing to take the road most traveled... seizing happiness... Hey, look at that. I guess I can describe it. Crap...

Coming Through

Hello Mark. This is your conscience speaking. Silently whispering while you're weeping: “Hold on hope... hold on hope...” Hello Mark. This is your conscience pushing. Constantly reminding you while love's been blinding you: “Hold on hope... hold on hope...” There are days when your ways are so exhausting, I run away. Hello Mark. This is your conscience coming through. Hello Mark. This is your conscience screaming. Angrily shouting while you're doubting: “Hold on hope... hold on hope...” There are days when your ways are so exhausting, I run away. Hello Mark. This is your conscience coming through.

Obviously this song is very personal: It's between me and my conscience. I am shocked that you would try and invade our privacy by reading this! What? What's that you say? I already let you in on one of our conversations when I wrote this song? Good point. Well, based on that, it sounds like you've already got this all figured out, so there's really no point in going on now, is there?

Otherwise

You make me see different colors than I did before. I don't know how you do it but I want more. You make my life seem better than it did before. I don't know how you do it but I want you to stop what you're doing and come to me. Otherwise, I'll die here wondering how another minute of life would've been better with you. You make my heart beat faster than it did before. I don't know how you do it but I want more. You make me see the beauty I could once ignore. I don't know how you do it but I need you to stop what you're doing and come to me. Otherwise, I'll die here wondering how another minute of life would've been better with you. If the days were any longer I swear I'd live forever. A fate worse than death, to be sure. I can't make this any clearer. You need to be much nearer. In fact, you can't get close enough. I beg you to stop what you're doing and come to me. Otherwise, I'll die here wondering how another minute of life would've been better with you.

"Otherwise" is a love song, honest and true. So, in order to have more than just a sentence here, I'll tell you something else about the song. This was the first song I actually wrote and programmed for this album. I had been going through an odd type of writer's block and this song sort of rescued me. And, even though it's not extremely typical of the kind of songs that fill the rest of this album, it did set the tone for the style of programming I used.

Digital Delays

We are young, and I don't understand why we're all just sitting here waiting to get older. We are young, and I don't understand why we're inside instead of out. Why we don't fight to get it out. There's no satisfactory explanation why we don't act to end our frustration. So go the days of our quickly passing lives. So go the days and the digital delays. We are young, and I can't comprehend why we hide behind computer screens; why we don't know what passion means. We are young, and I won't make amends for being the voice of anarchy in this lethargic anti-social society. There's no satisfactory explanation why we don't act to end our frustration. So go the days of our quickly passing lives. So go the days and the digital delays.

I really like the theme of this song. As I enter the latter portion of my twenties, I find that all of my friends and peers are slowing down and losing motivation. To multiply the situation, we are the digital generation, raised on video games and computers. Now, don't get me wrong. I wear my digital generation badge with pride. What I can't stand is the inactivity and lack of social interaction it promotes. Here's a weird example: When I was young, my friends and I would get together and go out to play video games at the arcade. These days, there are almost no video arcades and we always stay in. But there are better examples. We're meeting people online instead of in person. We're losing our social skills because we don't have to interact with each other... at work... at the store... anywhere, really. And I am torn: I really like the automatic check-out lanes at the grocery store and shopping online. But it all adds up, and somehow it seems like we now need to make a special effort to stay social. The same way exercise has become more important as our work becomes less physical, an effort to be social is now needed as technology makes it easy for us to avoid interaction. *step down from soap box* So, the bottom line is, seize your opportunity to interact with other humans and enjoy each other!

Distress

I'm closing my eyes in disgust. My hands are still shaking with anger. My mind just rejects what you've told me. That's when this stranger approaches. He claims to know your whole story, then repeats it in perfect detail. He claims to have a solution which, for a price, he'd reveal. Now we'll have a conversation. He's caught me at my peak degradation. The stranger whispers softly. He knows that I am listening tonight. I lie back and stare at the darkness. My blood seems to slow in my body. It suddenly seems so ironic that you said you’d never be able to shock me. Now he repeats your whole story. Again, it's in perfect detail. He mentions once more a solution which, for a price, he'll reveal. Now we'll have a full discussion. He knows I can't see the distant repercussions. The stranger whispers softly. He knows that I am listening tonight. Why do I listen to his unworthy voice? Why would I ever make this kind of choice? Why would I even consider? How can I do anything else? I hold my breath for a minute and wait for my head to spin. I lose myself for a moment, then I lose myself again. The stranger visits one last time. He gives me the perfect solution. I finally change your whole story, but for me there's no absolution. Now I've got just what you needed. Justice interrupted is finally completed. The stranger exits softly. He knows that he destroyed me tonight.

This song has pretty complicated lyrics. I don't expect many listeners to get them. For those of you who have made the effort to read these notes, I will explain the story and you can be in the know. ;-) I'll try and lay it out as simply as possible. "I" (the main fictional character in this song) have just learned of a terrible thing that has happened to someone "I" love. A destructive, life-ruining event. I am sickened and miserable from the news. Then, a stranger appears to me. "The Stranger" is the devil. He offers me the kind of deal the devil always offers: he will undo what has happened to the person I love in exchange for my soul. After weighing the possibilities... trying to imagine how she could go through life after what has happened to her... I decide that I have no choice but to sell my soul in order to save her. The devil then saves her and disappears, leaving me to ponder my miserable, eternal fate. It's a sad song on the surface, but the real meaning lies in the main character's decision to sell his soul to save hers. It's the kind of unselfish heroism that defines true love.

Untainted

Hinted elegance reveals itself in her movements... in her speech. Nervous beauty hides itself in her gestures... in her sleep. I like the way the world looks through her eyes. Somehow less introspective: her untainted perspective. Reluctant confidence blushes through, in her posture, in her eyes... Brutal honesty forces through, in her attempts at failed lies. I like the way the world looks through her eyes. Somehow less introspective: her untainted perspective. She's still optimistic... still hopelessly in love. She still wants everything and true love is enough. I like the way the world looks through her eyes. Somehow less introspective: her untainted perspective.

This song is pretty straightforward, I think. As I get more and more jaded with age (I try not to), I'm drawn to people who are still brimming with optimism. I want it to rub off on me.

This City

10:00 p.m. I walk under streetlights; across concrete, perfectly damp. I hear the music of the passing cars. I feel the pain of invisible stars. A woman singing from a distant corner sets the tone for my evening quest. Her voice is hard to pull from the masses. This is my city, I do my best.
12:00 a.m. I walk under neon; across grates that breathe with steam. I hear the roaring of a helpless skyscraper. I feel the tension in abandoned newspaper. A happy couple looking out at the water sets the tone for my midnight quest. Their true expressions are lost in the masses. This is my city, I do my best.
3:00 a.m. I walk against red lights; empty streets, dead with grief. I hear the dripping of an endless leak. I feel the pain in this heart I seek. A lone car in a parking structure sets the tone for my endless quest. I can't quite hear if she's laughing or crying. This is my city, I do my best.

I must begin this by saying that the main character in this song is not a police officer. Often times people think that and it kinda bugs me, even though he probably does have a lot in common with a police officer. Instead, he is just a man who is on a quest to find the heart of his city. He is surrounded by sadness. He is frightened by the possibilities. But at the core of his being he loves his city... he romanticizes it. To him it symbolizes the triumph of man over the obstacles of nature. So, despite all that has gone wrong, he continues to quest for a way to save it. To serve it. To make it strong and good again.